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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Epcot: Future World (WDW)

FOOD ROCKS: Future World/Epcot

ADULT THRILL LEVEL – None.  At least you are not standing in a line.  Take a load off.
WAIT TIME – Low even during peak times.
KID GRADE(G) This is fine for small children.  It may bore older kids.
ADULT RATING(C-) Dancing pineapples aren’t my thing.

Are you into dancing food and being lectured, in a fun Disney way, about the food groups?  Well then this is for you!  Dancing animatronic figures of food and utensils “rock out” to teach you about eating healthy.  I am all for healthy eating but this is not for me.  If you have a small child this could be a good thing or it could scare them back into the arms of the fast food giants.

MAKING OF ME: Future World/Epcot

WAIT TIME – Low to Moderate
KID GRADE(PG) The suitability for this ride depends solely on how much of an advanced education you are comfortable with your child getting
ADULT RATING(C+) A good place to take a load off but not stellar. 

This is one of the most disturbing rides I’ve ever been on.  OK, it wasn’t as disturbing as my ex who goes by the nickname of “Satan” but close.  This educational ride gives your kids a birds-eye view of reproduction Disney-style.  While you will never actually see a penis, you will get a humorous overview of dating, falling in love, inutero fetuses, birthin babies and mucus and all kinds of ick…. I mean, the wonderful miracle of life.  I soooo didn’t pay all this money to watch a nookie movie with no nookie.

If you are not in a place where you want to fill in the blanks for Junior (like the body parts and the “wilderness watoosie”) I would skip this.  If you are an adult, you should know what goes where and why so why are you wasting valuable ride time with this?  Go on Mission:Space again!

If you have advanced home-schooled children that know all about reproduction and regularly say things like “Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina” in the grocery store line then this is a feel good refresher course.  Have fun; I’ll be at the Rose & Crown pub having a cold one.  After all, alcohol is one of the precursors for the “wilderness watoosie”.

MISSION SPACE: Future World/Epcot

KID GRADE(R) This ride has height requirements and is very intense.  If children cannot follow the rules to the letter, they will vomit.  Assess your own childs tolerance.  Close spaces, extreme G-forces, NOT for small children.
ADULT RATING – This is one of the most amazing rides I have ever been on.  While a bit extreme, you can survive if you stick to the rules.  A+

Now I admit that I was a little nervous about this ride. I hear some people hurl, some are fine, and some feel a little off for a while then are fine. For anyone that has ridden Rock ‘n Roller Coaster at Disney Studios, the G forces are less on Mission Space but last longer.

There are a TON of signs that tell you that the ride spins and that you can get sick. You are also reminded many times not to close your eyes or to ever turn your head. You must always look straight ahead. There is a very good reason for this.  The ride is a centrifuge.  Watch “The Right Stuff” for an idea of what this is.  Basically it is a sphere that spins very fast. 

Now you may say, “I hate spinning rides”.  I agree with you but this is different.  If you think about it, you spin every second of your life.  The Earth spins.  It is all in your perception of your environment.

If you keep watching the screen you can trick your brain into believing what it sees is “real”.  If you turn your head to the side, your body will notice the spinning and you will vomit.  DO NOT TURN YOUR HEAD.  Honestly if your kid won't listen to you and fidgets don't take them on this ride or you could get hit when they hurl.  In fact they had to put us in another car on our first trip because they had to hose the last one down due to some crazy kid didn't listen to or believe the directions.  Believe them.  The cast members don't call it Mission Hurl for nothing.

That being said I love this ride.  I personally am the biggest spinning weenie on the planet and I did OK on this ride.  It was amazing, I just laughed with sheer joy through the lift-off. It was fun and amazing. All I can do is say “COOL! THIS IS SOOOOOO NEAT! WOW!”

Afterward I left the ride, I got a tiny bit dizzy. My body is now mad at me because it has figured out that it was tricked. “HEY! I WAS SPINNING! DAMN YOU, YOU CRAZY MONKEY!!!” It’s trying to get its equilibrium without the spinning. A sit down for 5 minutes or so and taking it slow for another 20 and I was fit as a fiddle.

UPDATE:  There are now two versions of this ride.  The original in the centrifuge and another with the same elements but you won't be spinning.  I haven't experienced the Lite version yet so I can't compare.

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